I was reading this article and it plugged some of the gaps i contemplated years ago. In the past, i always thought that rape means unwanted sex i.e. as long as i don’t want it to happen, regardless of whether my body wants it, it’s rape.
But what about ambiguous situations, when you are doing it out of obligation/responsibility as a partner. “Oh, i have to fulfill the sexual desires of my partner or else i am a bad girlfriend.” Or when there are subtle undercurrents going on… such that certain material or emotional privileges are witheld if you don’t “perform” so to speak. And all the half-way consensual and then second half turns unpleasant sort of experiences. What can we make of all these?
You want it… but you don’t want it.
These instances are far cries from your dark stranger in the alley but ubiquitous in the sexual lives of many women. Peterson’s article explored this phenomenon at a depth that i have not seen in previous articles. The proposed model is pretty impressive.
In this article, they distinguished between “consent to sex” and “want for sex”. Consent is explicit agreement. Want (desire) is separated into two categories: “wanting sex” and “not wanting sex”. “Wanting sex” was captured over several items which seemed like several factors e.g. arousal, negative consequences of refusal, personal gain, social benefits, fear of physical harm, bonding of relationship. If we look closely at these factors, i think we can agree that some are positively intonated e.g. social benefits; whereas others are negatively so e.g. fear of physical harm. “Not wanting sex” was captured by factors like: not in the mood, negative outcomes (e.g. STI), cheating, dislike the person etc. The degree of wanting/not-wanting is measured on a Likert scale, instead of either just “want” or “don’t want”. That means that you can experience different degrees of want and not-want at the same time and these are mutually exclusive (not on a continuum). This is closer to life experiences, in which many emotions felt are not clear-cut.
The results?
Nonconsensual sex group rated sex as more wanted because they expect negative consequences or physical harm. Consensual sex group rated sex as more wanted because they are aroused, hope to strengthen their relationship etc.
The nonconsensual sex group rated sex as more unwanted because they were not in the mood, they expect negative outcomes from sex, fear social consequences, dislike the other person etc.
And so, Peterson and Muehlenhard made these crucial distinctions:
1. Wanting the sex act is not wanting the consequences of the sex act.
2. Wanting the sex act is not the same as being willing to engage in the sex act.
The definition of rape, therefore, should be a lack of consent, regardless of whether one wants to engage in sex. This frees victims from wondering if they “asked for it” since they experienced pleasure during coerced sex.
Of course there are issues like:
- What about passive “consent”?
“If i kept quiet and just went along with it though i didn’t want it… does it mean i consented?” Or “i didn’t want it, but i demurred and sex happened.”
- What about multiple sexual experiences with the partner in which sometimes it is coerced sex and sometimes it is not?
- And as the authors brought up: acknowleging the act as “rape” disempowers the women (victim-mentality) and brings anxieties as they wonder if this “nice” guy next door can do this… what about guy B, C, D…?
The complexities of sexual experiences with just one partner is mind-boggling as it is. It brings to research the possibility of love-hate sexual relationships. I think this model provides an excellent starting point for perceptions of rape in women.
In my personal opinion, as long as a woman expressed her discomfort clearly, a repeat of it is deemed as unconsensual sex to varying degrees. It’s tricky and judgment is on a case-by-case basis.
Reference:
Peterson Z. D. & Muehlehard C. L. (2007). Conceptualizing the “wantedness” of women’s consensual and nonconsensual sexual experiences: implications for how women label their experiences with rape. Journal of sex research, 44(1), 72-88.
